Caregiving & The Long Road Ahead

As Mom’s Alzheimer’s disease progressed, Dad became her caregiver, dedicating himself to her safety and wellbeing. He took on the role with a full heart and complete devotion.

For a while, he managed, but the unrelenting physical and emotional demands eventually took their toll on him. The shadows under his eyes deepened, the sighs of defeat became more frequent, his broken voice became the undercurrent of every word. Yet, despite our repeated pleas to seek outside help, Dad remained steadfastly committed to Mom.

Over time, the disease tightened its grip on Mom and the symptoms were becoming increasingly apparent. As her confusion worsened, so too did her propensity to roam and wander. Her once familiar home transformed into an unsafe, and sometimes dangerous environment. As her symptoms increased, my Dad’s strength waned. Recognizing the need for help, he agreed to look for options for Mom.

Within a few weeks, we were relieved to find an adult daycare for people with Alzheimer’s/dementia not far from my parent’s home. Dad began dropping Mom off at the center a few days a week, and with this newfound respite he finally had time for himself. It felt like we were finally in a place of peace.

Until one afternoon it all came crashing down.

One day, as Dad was driving to the center to pick up Mom, his blood ran cold when he glanced over and saw her walking along a busy road.  Without a moment to waste, he pulled over and guided her safely back in the car. Thankfully she wasn’t harmed, but the possibilities of what could have gone wrong haunt me to this day.  

I can only imagine the terror and confusion Mom must have felt, not knowing where she was or where she was going. Understandably, Dad was consumed by fury and fear, as he had trusted the staff to care for his wife, and after just a few weeks, one of the worst things imaginable happened. Our fragile hope was shattered. 

In hindsight, we should have intervened and sought care for Mom right away. Though we were frustrated by his stubbornness, I now see where his heart stood. To him, accepting help was admitting he failed Mom, a notion he couldn’t bear. He made a commitment to her on their wedding day, and through sickness and health, he was going to honor that commitment to the end, even if it meant sacrificing his health.  

The days and months that followed that terrifying incident were incredibly challenging for my family. We were jarred by the situation and scared of making another mistake. As we faced an uncertain future, we didn’t fully trust ourselves or our decisions. Yet, despite this setback, despite our fragile hearts, we picked up the pieces, and forged ahead together, drawing strength from our love for Mom and our resolve and commitment to her safety and well-being.